interrogation
by graven.abiogenesis
Summary: Just a ficlet for Demyx/Axel day. Can read as friendship or not, depending on how you squint. General cracky fun with our favorite Nobody organization! Completed oneshot.


_**::interrogation**_

* * *

**Disclaimer: **I really, really don't own.

* * *

"Whatcha readin', Zexion?" Demyx sing-songed, sprawling over the back of the couch to grin at the Nobody in question upside-down.

"...A book of proverbs. Now _go away."_

Demyx frowned, rolling to the side and regaining verticality. "Proverbs? Like what?"

" 'Bad news cures all things.' "

"_What? _What does that mean?"

"I don't know, Demyx. Go ask Axel or something."

_If an idiot bother you, send him to wreak havoc on other idiots instead. _Ah, a brand-new Zexionan proverb!

"Okay!"

.

"AXELLL!"

"What do you want, Demyx?"

"Zexion told me about this weird saying thingy and I don't know what it means!"

Axel blinked. "_What?"_

"Yeah! He told me to ask you!"

Axel's chest puffed up in spindly hedgehog pride. "Well, I _am _brilliant."

"Um, it was...it was...what was it...oh! 'Bad news cures all things'!"

_What. The. FUCK?!_

"The hell is that supposed to mean?!"

"I don't know, that's why I asked you!"

"Well, screw that! Let's go ask someone else!"

.

"...Should we?" Demyx whispered, peering cautiously around the corner at the Superior.

Axel surveyed the scene and again, then considered.

"...Nah."

They left Mansex—ah, sorry, _Xemnas—_in his Kingdom Hearts-induced rapture on the balcony in peace.

.

Xigbar stared. "...Is this a joke?"

"What? No!"

"...Huh."

.

"Get. Out. Of. My. KITCHEN."

"Yeesh, touchy, touchy! Chill out, would ya?"

"Says the guy who torched my kitchen!"

"I didn't mean too, okay?!"

"EVERYBODY RUN! XALDIN'S ON THE RAMPAGE!"

And so it was that Axel and Demyx ran around screaming like chickens with their heads cut off (or little girls) before recalling their original goal and setting out in their (noble) quest to interrogate the (nonexistent) intelligentsia of Organization XIII about the mysterious proverb.

.

Blood-chilling cackles filtered through the airtight, vacuum-sealed, locked-with-seventy-two-locks-and-four-deadbolts-d oor to Vexen's private lab.

Demyx whimpered.

Axel, clearly unnerved, hissed, "...We can skip this one."

.

"...Lexaeus? Since you're good at puzzles and stuff, can you help me and Axel figure out this proverb?"

"...Which one?"

" 'Bad news cure all things,' " Axel intoned. "Ever heard of it?"

"..."

"Lexy?"

"..."

"...I think we broke him, Axel! Oh no, what do we do what do we do _whatdowedo—"_

_._

Saïx stared at them.

"..."

"...Ah, sorry! Never mind then, we'll just—"

"Jeez, Saïx, just spit it out already, would ya?"

"...Clearly this 'proverb' is simply a statement pertaining to the Organization's finances."

"...What."

"Indeed. You see, what the general somebody public regards as bad news is usually good news for us. It means that we successfully destroyed part of their society and plundered from them, growing rich off of their helplessness, general despair , and inability to resupply. We, of course, provide the necessary items for an obscenely high price and then kill them, taking all their remaining possessions."

"...Riiight."

.

Luxord scowled in concentration. "Well, bad news generally entails being broke beyond belief...which then gives you an excuse to gamble to regain your lost cash, which obviously cures all things! It's the answer to life, the universe, and everything! Don't pay any attention to that forty-two crap!"

"Yeaaaah, I don't think so. I'm not memorizing _that. _Sorry, Luxord."

"Well, I don't know Axel, it sounded pretty good to me—"

"Shut up, Demyx."

"Oh well," the Brit shrugged. "Care to play a few hands?"

"Sure!"

.

"...That makes absolutely no sense," Marluxia deadpanned. "Are you sure Zexion wasn't just pulling your leg?"

"Oh, no!" Demyx chimed. "He definitely wasn't anywhere near my leg, and he hates touching other people!"

Marluxia stared.

Axel facepalmed, snickering all the while.

.

"Oh, that's obviois," Larxene grinned. "When bad news comes around, it's great! It means another moron has been wiped out!"

"...Well, but, what if it's about you?"

"Well then I wouldn't be around to hear the freakin' news, now would I, stupid?"

.

"What do we do now, Axel? Nobody knows what it means!"

"...That was a terrible joke."

"Huh? What joke?"

"...Never mind. Anyway, I dunno," he mused. "Larxene may have been onto something, although her interpretation was sort of extreme."

"And scary."

"Yes, that too. But oh well. Thtat was pointless and frustrating."

"Yeah," Demyx pouted. "But I really wanted to know!"

"Oh well. Sea-salt ice cream? My treat."

"Um, heck yeah!"

.

Upon his return, Axel was informed by a rather soggy and disgruntled Saïx that the kitchen had (mysteriously) caught on fire, during which Luxord had poured vodka on the stove "to clean it" and spiked Jell-O mix in the pancake batter (causing part of said explosion; the other cause is as of yet unknown, but mini-chakram timed mines are in high suspicion). This in turn had caused a chain reaction in Vexen's lab, which had been housing several highly volatile solutions, and as a result made a very large, oddly-colored, poofy, happy, mushroom-cloud-friend in the basement. This also destroyed a goodly portion of the castle injured pretty much everyone in the castle other than Saïx, the Superior, Marluxia, and the two that had been in Twilight Town. Because of this, missions were to be suspended for two or three weeks.

"Paid vacation?"

"...Essentially, yes. However, if you act out of bounds or antagonize the wounded—"

"Hey, I got it memorized, okay? Don't worry about it."

...Well, that certainly left them with a lot of free time.

Axel wondered if maybe Demyx would agree to go out with him again. Maybe...on a date, even?

.

"Axel, Axel, did you hear? We get time off!"

Axel just grinned.

_Bad news cures all things, indeed._

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_A/N: Oh, Dem-Dem, it's 'Axel and I'. But you're so cute, I just let it slide. I read somewhere it was Demyx/Axel Day, so I couldn't resist. I couldn't find anything to prompt me, though! But I did stumble upon this proverb, which totally stumped me, so I used it. Hopefully, it was amusing. Please R&R, as usual, and feel free to drop me a review on any major errors you might have spotted! And yeah, I tried using periods as line breaks, 'cause I didn't like the way the lines looked. But whatevs. Yup. And if you got the Hitchhiker's Guide reference AND the Last Airbender one too, you ROCK!  
_


End file.
